Some Things You Should Know Before You Watch “Six String Samurai”

If you have been keeping up with my site then you know that I have a thing about writing sort of sarcastic articles about horrible movies.  That’s because I love horrible movies and I really mean that.  Nothing entertains me more than a plot hole-filled disaster of a film.

 Or a plot hole-filled disaster film.

Six String Samurai is not one of those movies.  I cannot stress this point enough.  I know that while you are watching this rock n’ roll interpretation of Mad Max it will appear to you, on countless occasions, that this is a horrible movie but you must look past your senses and see the truth – that underneath its low budget and semi-ridiculous appearance is a mind-blowingly awesome movie.  Here are some reasons why:

1.) The plot is brilliant

I am going to do my best to avoid spoilers in this article but, oh crap, who am I kidding?  SPOILERS FOR THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE STRAIGHT AHEAD!  Ahem.  Six String Samurai is about an alternate reality where the Soviets successfully bombed and invaded the US during the Cold War.  As a result, the US turns into a post-apocalyptic wasteland crawling with cannibals, Soviet soldiers, savages and guys in space suits.

And evil bowlers.

Oh, yeah, and Elvis Presley is crowned king of the only city left: Lost Vegas.  After a 40-year reign, the king finally dies (probably in a more, er, dignified fashion then in reality) and the call echoes over the wasteland: Vegas needs a new king.  The rest of the film consists of our hero hacking and slashing his way through the desert with a katana and a Silvertone guitar on his way to claim the throne while a feral kid silently follows behind him in a coonskin cap.

It is Fallout: New Vegas, if you were wondering.

So, yeah, it rules.  And speaking of our hero…

2.) The protagonist is awesome

Officially, the hero of Six String Samurai has no name but unofficially he’s totally Buddy Holly.  The aforementioned young sidekick has about five lines in the entire course of the movie but one of them is “Buddy!”  He yells it at the protagonist constantly.  The inside joke here is that the hero is, in fact, Buddy Holly wielding a katana and killing every thing in sight.  He snaps his fingers a lot and says cool one liners like: “don’t touch my guitar man; don’t even touch my guitar.”

He says that, too.

He slays an entire regiment of Russian soldiers alone, plays a few good riffs and almost kills Death himself, which reminds me…

3.) The villain is Death incarnate

I don’t mean that figuratively – the villain is literally the living version of death.  He plays a white Stratocaster, has long black hair and wears a top hat.

Basically it’s Slash.

He has an entourage of heavy metal archers that follow behind him and he is after Elvis’ much coveted throne.  There is no villain more devious and sinister in the history of film.  He doesn’t kill people – he just applies his being to them (think about it, dudes).

4.) The soundtrack is Russian surf rock

All of the songs are provided by a band called The Red Elvises and they are exactly what I described above: surf rock infused with vodka and madness.  If nothing else I have said about this movie has struck you as great then hear this plea: the soundtrack alone is worth it!!!  

5.) The whole film is some kind of Wizard of Oz retelling

I don’t really know how this applies or what the director was thinking but this movie is basically Mad Max meets rock and roll meets The Wizard of Oz.  Here are some of the clues:

  • A dwarf in a do-rag tells the protagonist to follow the Yellow Brick Road.
  • Lost Vegas resembles the Emerald City and the classic shot of Dorothy and co. entering the city is imitated.
  • (Spoiler) The villain faces a liquid-themed death.

All that’s left is to watch this movie with the sound off while listening to Dark Side of the Moon.  Well, I know what I’m doing tonight.

If only there was a way you could watch this movie… oh, guess what: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcrNBYQ6Vow

For the love of everything holy please share this article!  The world needs to see this movie!    Also, after you watch, comment away to let me know how right I am!

Songs listened to while writing this: all Red Elvises all the time.

Sources: bztv.typepad.com, jamesaxler.com, forcesofgeek.com, therpf.com, tvtropes.com, 6stringsamurai.livejournal.com, badmovies.org, insidemovies.ew.com, scixual.tumblr.com, filmsondisc.com

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